Joke Thread - Printable Version

Joke Thread - Printable Version

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Joke Thread - naive - Feb 01 2012

If you've got a good joke, share it.

Here's one to get going.

So there's this old fella sitting out on his porch. He sees a young kid walking down the road with an armload of hot dogs. "Hey kid," yells the man, "what're you doing with all of those hot dogs?" "I'm gonna go catch me some dogs!" says the kid. Kid's gotta be nuts; however, a few hours later, the kid passes by with 15 dogs following him! The next day the old man sees the kid going by again with an armload of duct tape. "Hey kid," yells the man, "what're you doing now?" "I'm gonna go catch me some ducks!" Kid's gotta be batty. But again, hours later, he walks by with 20 ducks following him!

The next day the old man sees the kid with an armload of pussywillows. "Hey kid! Wait for me!"

RE: Joke Thread - Spartacus - Feb 01 2012

I started a joke thread a while back but no one participated. I'll help kick this one off.

What is green and smells like red paint?

Answer: http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=mwyxye&s=5

RE: Joke Thread - George Of The Jungle - Feb 01 2012

What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you next month.

------------------------

A man walks into a drugstore and says: "I need some condoms for my 9 year-old daughter".

The guy at the counter says: "sir, your daughter is only 9 years old and she's sexually active?!?"

The man says: "no,... she just lays there like her mother".

------------------------

One night, a couple goes to bed. The husband starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband tries tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and whispers in her ear: "do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

RE: Joke Thread - naive - Feb 01 2012

Q: What's the opposite Christopher Reeve?

A: Christopher Walken

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

They asked if I prefer legs or breasts; I said a shaved vagina is better, But apparently that wasn't really appropriate in KFC.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wife: Look at the guy drinking and dancing.
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: 10 years ago, he proposed to me and I rejected him.
Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!

(Sorry Spartacus, I did a quick search for one and didn't see one, must have slipped by me)

RE: Joke Thread - ruplayer - Feb 01 2012

Translated from Russian by me=)

Son asking his mother:
-Mom, mom, why all kids can count to 10, and I can count to 20?

Mother:
-It's because you're wonderkid baby, go play with kids.

10 minutes after he comes back:
-Mom, mom, why all kids only know A and B, and I know A B C D?

Mother:
-It's because you're wonderkid honey, now go play with kids.

10 minutes after he comes back again:
-Mom, mom, why all kids have small penises, and I have a larger one?

Mother:
-I don't know son, better go ask your dad.

Comes to father:
-Dad, Dad, why all kids have small penises and my penis is larger?

Father:
-It's because you're retarded son, you're already 21.

RE: Joke Thread - Spartacus - Feb 01 2012

here it was. but nevermind, continue on your thread! i'll paste my joke i had there here.
http://war-lords.net/open-chat/jokes/msg41176/#msg41176

Bongo bongo bongo

One day these 3 friends went hunting in the forest. As they are walking along they are ambushed by a primative tribe. They were all taken back to the camp and one by one tied to three seperate trees. Then the "big chief" comes out of his toupee and stares each guy in the face, he then turns to the tribe and says " Death or Bongo". There is a fierce uproar and the tribe begins to chant " Bongo,Bongo,Bongo!"

The chief then turns to the men and asks the first one "Death or bongo?" The first man replys " I dont like the sound of death so it will have to be bongo" So 10 men come out of the tribe and begin to bugger him up the arse!!

The chief then turns to the second man and asks the same question. he replys, slightly hesitant through "bongo" so 30 men come and bugger him up the arse!!

The third man,who is now quite distressed decided that he would rather die than be subjected to this horrible ordeal. So the chief asks him " Death or Bongo?" "death!!" he said "I would rather die then have Bongo!!" The chief then smiled and replyed " so be it, DEATH.........BY BONGO!

RE: Joke Thread - naive - Feb 01 2012

Q: Did you hear about the man who was into sadism, necrophilia and bestiality?

A: He had to give it up because he was just beating a dead horse.

RE: Joke Thread - Knowpain - Feb 01 2012

A Kid, unknown some word that are flooding around internet. One day, as extremely want to know about it. She asked her maid :

KID : Mrs Derpina, What is the meaning of Sex, P@nis, Pu$$y?

Mrs Derpina : (As Don't want kid to know bad words, instant thinking) ummm...ehhh Sex is make up, ehh P@nis is a car, Pu$$y.......oh..yeah Its TV.

The Next Day :

Teacher, comes and visit the outstanding student in the class (Kid). As seeing her teacher come and visit. She greets instantly :

Kid : Hello, sir derp! Enjoy comforting on the sofa there. Mom is having sex, Dad is washing his P@nis. Please wait here. I'll turn on my pu$$y.

Sir Derp : [Image: me-gusta.jpg]

RE: Joke Thread - pTK - Feb 01 2012

My favorite jokes are anti jokes. So here are a few

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust.

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't because numbers are not sentient beings therefore are incapable of feeling fear.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What's sad about 4 black people going over the cliff in a Cadillac?

They were my friends.

RE: Joke Thread - Spartacus - Feb 02 2012

An old lady at the bank asked me to help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.