[Cas Beep Beep Im A Jeep]

During my trip to Peru last summer, I had many FML moments. The worse one where I felt most scared for my life was on one of the weekends, most people take a reserved boat up the river to the nearest  town to stay at a hostel, visit stuff during the day and get wasted at clubs in the evenings but my roommates and I stayed on the conservation because we had some peyote extract and we were gonna trip face on mescaline in the rainforest. We made peyote tea and smoked a blunt on one of the canopy platforms over the trees and chilled waiting for the comeup but it never came. So it was kinda of a bummer, but we were still super stoned and just enjoyed the day walking around the rainforest to different spots. Later in the day my danish roommate and I decide it'd be a really good idea to hitchhike by boat to town to meet up with everyone else since we had nothing to do. However, I was still felt very stoned at that point and it was like 4 hours since we had smoked the blunt and little did I know I was actually coming up on the mescaline.

Jens and I found a small fishing boat and paid them to take us with them to puerto maldonado. They did not speak english and we did not speak much spanish but a deal was made and it was understood that they would drop us off wherever they would dock on the shores of puerto maldonado.  However, once we were on the river, they suddenly took a turn into this small channel on the left, away from the main river into a path we had never taken before. Jens and I started to get reaaal stressed and started looking around on the boat for anything to defend ourselves with and found a machete and a hatchet sitting underneath a pile of bananas. We would use those if anything unexpected took place. However, we came to a barrage in the channel where tons of trees had fallen and we couldnt go any futher and that's when jens and I had our biggest FML moment cause we seriously thought we were gonna get kidnapped and our lives were seriously in danger. We were both tripping on mescaline (athough not very hard) and our faces were covered in sweat.

The barrage however was as much to a surprise to them as it was to us, and they told us theyd have to take the main river instead, and that's when Jens and I got soooooo relieved you have no idea. We laid back in relaxation immediately afterwards. It was nighttime now and Jens and I were both tripping even harder and we could see the entire milky way over our head at a specific angle it was absolutely insane. It was like an extraterrestrial chasm piercing the stratosphere with giant burning stars ablaze of various blues, reds and greens.

The boat we were on was really small and leaked immensely to the point where the water got into the engine and we had to scoop out all of the water for the engine to start working again every 15 minutes. After a 4 hour journey that was only supposed to take an hour and a half, they dropped us off on the old side of town so we had no fucking idea where we were but it felt incredible to be on land again safe and sound. Wrong. Once we got up the hill into this alleyway, a pack of wild dogs started barking and advancing at us as we were trespassing their territory. They were getting very close, so Jens and I started to jump up and down throwing our hands in the air, yelling as loud as we could and flashing our flashlights in their mirroring eyes and we actually scared them off and we managed to find a main road.

We found the main plaza of puerto maldonado shortly after and found a big group of fellow volunteers from the conservation and told them all about the story in excitement and relief that we were still alive and in one piece. Jens and I then went to a restaurant and ate the most delicious burgers of our lives. That burger tasted like life and success. It tasted like eternal redemption and absolute atonement. We got wasted shortly after and went clubbing with the other volunteers, still feeling the mescaline quite well. Later that night I made out with a very pretty Peruvian girl whom also took all my money out of my right pocket and I therefore couldn't pay for my own hostel room, that was a FML moment too. I had to sleep on the floor of my friend's hostel room but I was so drunk it didn't matter. Sorry for the long story. 

Wow, nice book but i actually read it all :O was quite an interessing story