[Cas Beep Beep Im A Jeep]

During my trip to Peru last summer, I had many FML moments. The worse one where I felt most scared for my life was on one of the weekends, most people take a reserved boat up the river to the nearest  town to stay at a hostel, visit stuff during the day and get wasted at clubs in the evenings but my roommates and I stayed on the conservation because we had some peyote extract and we were gonna trip face on mescaline in the rainforest. We made peyote tea and smoked a blunt on one of the canopy platforms over the trees and chilled waiting for the comeup but it never came. So it was kinda of a bummer, but we were still super stoned and just enjoyed the day walking around the rainforest to different spots. Later in the day my danish roommate and I decide it'd be a really good idea to hitchhike by boat to town to meet up with everyone else since we had nothing to do. However, I was still felt very stoned at that point and it was like 4 hours since we had smoked the blunt and little did I know I was actually coming up on the mescaline.

Jens and I found a small fishing boat and paid them to take us with them to puerto maldonado. They did not speak english and we did not speak much spanish but a deal was made and it was understood that they would drop us off wherever they would dock on the shores of puerto maldonado.  However, once we were on the river, they suddenly took a turn into this small channel on the left, away from the main river into a path we had never taken before. Jens and I started to get reaaal stressed and started looking around on the boat for anything to defend ourselves with and found a machete and a hatchet sitting underneath a pile of bananas. We would use those if anything unexpected took place. However, we came to a barrage in the channel where tons of trees had fallen and we couldnt go any futher and that's when jens and I had our biggest FML moment cause we seriously thought we were gonna get kidnapped and our lives were seriously in danger. We were both tripping on mescaline (athough not very hard) and our faces were covered in sweat.

The barrage however was as much to a surprise to them as it was to us, and they told us theyd have to take the main river instead, and that's when Jens and I got soooooo relieved you have no idea. We laid back in relaxation immediately afterwards. It was nighttime now and Jens and I were both tripping even harder and we could see the entire milky way over our head at a specific angle it was absolutely insane. It was like an extraterrestrial chasm piercing the stratosphere with giant burning stars ablaze of various blues, reds and greens.

The boat we were on was really small and leaked immensely to the point where the water got into the engine and we had to scoop out all of the water for the engine to start working again every 15 minutes. After a 4 hour journey that was only supposed to take an hour and a half, they dropped us off on the old side of town so we had no fucking idea where we were but it felt incredible to be on land again safe and sound. Wrong. Once we got up the hill into this alleyway, a pack of wild dogs started barking and advancing at us as we were trespassing their territory. They were getting very close, so Jens and I started to jump up and down throwing our hands in the air, yelling as loud as we could and flashing our flashlights in their mirroring eyes and we actually scared them off and we managed to find a main road.

We found the main plaza of puerto maldonado shortly after and found a big group of fellow volunteers from the conservation and told them all about the story in excitement and relief that we were still alive and in one piece. Jens and I then went to a restaurant and ate the most delicious burgers of our lives. That burger tasted like life and success. It tasted like eternal redemption and absolute atonement. We got wasted shortly after and went clubbing with the other volunteers, still feeling the mescaline quite well. Later that night I made out with a very pretty Peruvian girl whom also took all my money out of my right pocket and I therefore couldn't pay for my own hostel room, that was a FML moment too. I had to sleep on the floor of my friend's hostel room but I was so drunk it didn't matter. Sorry for the long story. 

Wow, nice book but i actually read it all :O was quite an interessing story

Checking out an abandoned van in the middle of an empty Iraqi market place when a PKM on a balcony opens up with armor piercing rounds on me and one of my Soldiers.  He comically used a palm tree 1.5 ft thick for cover I used the Van.  We both had to rush a retaining 30m towards the machine gun to seek proper cover.  FML...

Omg...real life counter-strike...

o.O

[naive]

My friend and I had acquired some experimental hallucinogenic chemicals. I had 2 hours left of work when he took his. I get out of work and meet him, ask him how it's going. "It's a crazy intense trip yo" he says as his eyes dart around following imaginary creatures. I consume the same quantity he took. It makes me nauseous so I go get some water. Approx 3 minutes after I snorted this experimental substance, I was tripping harder than ever before (i'ma fairly experienced psychonaut too at the time). Shit all around me is melting, the world is a completely different place. I finish my glass of water and head back to where my friends are to find... my friend who had taken the same chemicals prior to me in a full blown seizure looking like he overdosed (off of the same dose I just took). FML.

My friend and I had acquired some experimental hallucinogenic chemicals. I had 2 hours left of work when he took his. I get out of work and meet him, ask him how it's going. "It's a crazy intense trip yo" he says as his eyes dart around following imaginary creatures. I consume the same quantity he took. It makes me nauseous so I go get some water. Approx 3 minutes after I snorted this experimental substance, I was tripping harder than ever before (i'ma fairly experienced psychonaut too at the time). Shit all around me is melting, the world is a completely different place. I finish my glass of water and head back to where my friends are to find... my friend who had taken the same chemicals prior to me in a full blown seizure looking like he overdosed (off of the same dose I just took). FML.

what chemical was this ? Something part of the 2b family ? I know there was a bad batch like last year that was actually bromo dragonfly

[naive]

I think it was 2ct7. It was either 2ci, or one of the 2c* family chemicals. I tried a bunch. It wasn't illegal at the time and our chemist friend had access to the materials to synthesize it. Needless to say, it wasn't a bad batch or anything just my friend had some really strange adverse reactions to it. I never ended up having anything wrong with me except for a terrifyingly bad trip while I tried to take care of my friend who was severely fucked up, and at the time I thought it was my future.

The people we were with bailed on us pretty much the second he hit the floor (they said they would babysit us too), and left me tripping to take care of this kid (good friends, right?). He was like pale and sickly looking which was amplified beyond reason due to my trip, and I was also seeing like zombies rising up out of the ground around us coming to claim his life. I had completely given up fighting the trip at that point, but luckily I managed to conjur some kind of DBZ style energy barrier to keep them at bay from us while I tried to make sure my friend didn't die.

I was real torn about calling an ambulance the whole time and managed to get a hold of some actual good friends of mine to come save us and make the choice for me. They ended up not calling an ambulance, something we were hesitant to do because my friend was on parole and would have definitely gone back to jail had I done so I believed (his mom would have found out, told on him), but by the time they got there he had started to regain consciousness.

This had happened not more then 5 days ago, I had cheated on my fiance, i told her what i had done she left never to return my calls i tracked her down found out she was staying with a friend, I got drunk broke into her house pleaded with her to forgive me like a fool i kept yelling my love for you is true, she stabbed me in the chest with a pen then started screaming i put my hand over her mouth her friend thought i was hurting her she smashed a bowl on me i ask her to forgive me and left. I took the advise of a wise friend to give her time and truly that was all i could do she came back to me only because i was honest about it and we lived happily ever after THE END or so i hope so.

let this be a lesson to you all lying, cheating & hurting your loved ones will only end-up hurting yourself and also making a fool of yourself if you have done so have some honour and respect for your loved ones be truthful no matter how much it hurts to do so, in other words be a man!

[Spartacus]

This had happened not more then 5 days ago, I had cheated on my fiance, i told her what i had done she left never to return my calls i tracked her down found out she was staying with a friend, I got drunk broke into her house pleaded with her to forgive me like a fool i kept yelling my love for you is true, she stabbed me in the chest with a pen then started screaming i put my hand over her mouth her friend thought i was hurting her she smashed a bowl on me i ask her to forgive me and left. I took the advise of a wise friend to give her time and truly that was all i could do she came back to me only because i was honest about it and we lived happily ever after THE END or so i hope so.

let this be a lesson to you all lying, cheating & hurting your loved ones will only end-up hurting yourself and also making a fool of yourself if you have done so have some honour and respect for your loved ones be truthful no matter how much it hurts to do so, in other words be a man!

glad it turn out well. Just remember that she'd forgive, but won't forget.
Hope you guys have a lasting relationship.

Woah, damn Jhonnie and the Pen stabbing and all too............... I have no reaction........
Other than that you are right about never cheating on your loved ones, and yes Be a Man!

FML moments eh....
Ok, about 3 years ago my mother and father got a very ugly divorce, Long story short, my mother dragged me about 1000 miles down to San Diego, and i literaly felt like opening the door and rolling out of the car on the freeway at 40mph(just to get a feel for how scared, mad, and sad i was), and then she drags me back up to SF 6 weeks later only after her sister my aunt basically slapped the shit out of her and called her an unfit mother.
Like Jhonnie's story, this was all over cheating on your spouse, my mother probably did it a second time an in trying to cover it she gets a divorce, after 20 or so years of marriage.

Thanks bro! and yes i have learnt my lesson

PKM wow that thing really loud, did you draw his fire or both just haul ass out of there lol

Jhonnie double posted. FML