Haha, Remix. The next time you disappear from CSS in the future, we're all gonna assume you mistakenly took home another tranny. 

Another fml story.
Dropped my wallet cycling one day. It showed up at the police station so I cycled down there. Tried to get up on the curb on a busy street. Next, I came out of shock in an ambulance with no idea what day it was and why I was downtown. My favorite jeans were all torn up and covered in blood, and the paramedic was worried about the gash on my head. Went straight to the ICU, but it turned out it wasn't that serious and I got off with stitches.
Seems the chain slipped when I hopped on the curb, and I hit a telephone pole, then a concrete planter. Apparently I was conscious enough to sit up and converse with bystanders, but I have no recollection of either that or the accident. Still got the scars though. And my road bike was totaled.

I've got a feeling trueplayer's story's gonna be good.

[Spartacus]

I went to Vegas a month ago....you can already see where this is headed. Long story short was trashed ended up at the hard rock. Roommate and I ended up leavin with a Bitch a piece, or what we thought was a Bitch a piece. Needless to say I took home a trany. Most people would say that's the highlight of this story. It's not. When the penis came out I hit him with the hotel alarm clock. Spent a week in jail because I left my wallet somewhere in Vegas and couldnt identify myself when I got arrested for assault.

Dude, what happens in Vegas...................stays in Vegas.

I went to Vegas a month ago....you can already see where this is headed. Long story short was trashed ended up at the hard rock. Roommate and I ended up leavin with a Bitch a piece, or what we thought was a Bitch a piece. Needless to say I took home a trany. Most people would say that's the highlight of this story. It's not. When the penis came out I hit him with the hotel alarm clock. Spent a week in jail because I left my wallet somewhere in Vegas and couldnt identify myself when I got arrested for assault.

Dude, what happens in Vegas...................stays in Vegas.

...and on the record of Department of Justice.

Checking out an abandoned van in the middle of an empty Iraqi market place when a PKM on a balcony opens up with armor piercing rounds on me and one of my Soldiers.  He comically used a palm tree 1.5 ft thick for cover I used the Van.  We both had to rush a retaining 30m towards the machine gun to seek proper cover.  FML...

I was in about the same situation yesterday when I played battlefield 3.



My life is full of "fuck my life" stories, but they are mostly boring, stupid car accidents, od's, "we were drunk" stories, got booked two times without charges. Here is one of them:

When I tried chocolate with some mushrooms extract I didn't feel nothing at first, then I got home - still nothing going on. So after I watched some movie I went to bed. Around 3 AM I woke up and started smoking, I mean right in my bed, then I dropped the cigarette, started looking for it but couldn't find it, smoke was all over the place but I couldn't find that damn cigarette in my bed, I checked everything: my blanket, my pillow, sheet, pillow case, under the bed, it's fucking disappeared. So then I kept searching for it and don't remember what happened next. I woke up in the morning on the floor in my room, everything was messed up, random stuff around me on the floor. So here is the funny part of this story: I never smoked that night.

Another one:

I was on the surgery table, nurse used painkillers but didn't use enough anesthesia. I was like a bread there with wide open eyes looking at surgery tools that doctor put on my stomach while getting prepared for the operation.... fml? No, he actually noticed that my eyes were moving and I tried to say something. Then he said "oops, sorry.... just look at your pulse on that monitor". Then he asked nurse to add some more anaesthesia. That was probably the scariest shit in my life, so fuck it.
---------

Next...

Your "fml" stories are more like "lol" stories.

Your "fml" stories are more like "lol" stories.

First thing I've done upon my birth... I threw up. Not sure if it was my reaction on this ugly world, but it all started there.

First thing I've done upon my birth... I threw up. Not sure if it was my reaction on this ugly world, but it all started there.

Now that's the coolest story.

Checking out an abandoned van in the middle of an empty Iraqi market place when a PKM on a balcony opens up with armor piercing rounds on me and one of my Soldiers.  He comically used a palm tree 1.5 ft thick for cover I used the Van.  We both had to rush a retaining wall 30m towards the machine gun to seek proper cover.  FML...

I was in about the same situation yesterday when I played battlefield 3.

Sigh...It was just like BF3.  Except 100 degree weather, 60 pound kit, and real....

During my trip to Peru last summer, I had many FML moments. The worse one where I felt most scared for my life was on one of the weekends, most people take a reserved boat up the river to the nearest  town to stay at a hostel, visit stuff during the day and get wasted at clubs in the evenings but my roommates and I stayed on the conservation because we had some peyote extract and we were gonna trip face on mescaline in the rainforest. We made peyote tea and smoked a blunt on one of the canopy platforms over the trees and chilled waiting for the comeup but it never came. So it was kinda of a bummer, but we were still super stoned and just enjoyed the day walking around the rainforest to different spots. Later in the day my danish roommate and I decide it'd be a really good idea to hitchhike by boat to town to meet up with everyone else since we had nothing to do. However, I was still felt very stoned at that point and it was like 4 hours since we had smoked the blunt and little did I know I was actually coming up on the mescaline.

Jens and I found a small fishing boat and paid them to take us with them to puerto maldonado. They did not speak english and we did not speak much spanish but a deal was made and it was understood that they would drop us off wherever they would dock on the shores of puerto maldonado.  However, once we were on the river, they suddenly took a turn into this small channel on the left, away from the main river into a path we had never taken before. Jens and I started to get reaaal stressed and started looking around on the boat for anything to defend ourselves with and found a machete and a hatchet sitting underneath a pile of bananas. We would use those if anything unexpected took place. However, we came to a barrage in the channel where tons of trees had fallen and we couldnt go any futher and that's when jens and I had our biggest FML moment cause we seriously thought we were gonna get kidnapped and our lives were seriously in danger. We were both tripping on mescaline (athough not very hard) and our faces were covered in sweat.

The barrage however was as much to a surprise to them as it was to us, and they told us theyd have to take the main river instead, and that's when Jens and I got soooooo relieved you have no idea. We laid back in relaxation immediately afterwards. It was nighttime now and Jens and I were both tripping even harder and we could see the entire milky way over our head at a specific angle it was absolutely insane. It was like an extraterrestrial chasm piercing the stratosphere with giant burning stars ablaze of various blues, reds and greens.

The boat we were on was really small and leaked immensely to the point where the water got into the engine and we had to scoop out all of the water for the engine to start working again every 15 minutes. After a 4 hour journey that was only supposed to take an hour and a half, they dropped us off on the old side of town so we had no fucking idea where we were but it felt incredible to be on land again safe and sound. Wrong. Once we got up the hill into this alleyway, a pack of wild dogs started barking and advancing at us as we were trespassing their territory. They were getting very close, so Jens and I started to jump up and down throwing our hands in the air, yelling as loud as we could and flashing our flashlights in their mirroring eyes and we actually scared them off and we managed to find a main road.

We found the main plaza of puerto maldonado shortly after and found a big group of fellow volunteers from the conservation and told them all about the story in excitement and relief that we were still alive and in one piece. Jens and I then went to a restaurant and ate the most delicious burgers of our lives. That burger tasted like life and success. It tasted like eternal redemption and absolute atonement. We got wasted shortly after and went clubbing with the other volunteers, still feeling the mescaline quite well. Later that night I made out with a very pretty Peruvian girl whom also took all my money out of my right pocket and I therefore couldn't pay for my own hostel room, that was a FML moment too. I had to sleep on the floor of my friend's hostel room but I was so drunk it didn't matter. Sorry for the long story. 

Sounds like Peru is fucked up place when you're not partying=)

Checking out an abandoned van in the middle of an empty Iraqi market place when a PKM on a balcony opens up with armor piercing rounds on me and one of my Soldiers.  He comically used a palm tree 1.5 ft thick for cover I used the Van.  We both had to rush a retaining wall 30m towards the machine gun to seek proper cover.  FML...

I was in about the same situation yesterday when I played battlefield 3.

Sigh...It was just like BF3.  Except 100 degree weather, 60 pound kit, and real....

Actually sounds like a very intimidating situation.